May His Noodley Appendage protect you

Yes, this is another post for all the people searching for a FSM cycling jersey and getting sent here. I’m trying to find someone to design the jersey, as I’m a writer and a metal worker, not a graphic designer. If you’re a graphic designer and need a project, here it is. I only ask that I get the first one off the line that will fit my 48″ chest. One one side you need a Pirate Fish, and on the other you need His Noodley Benevolence, and somewhere you need to put an Invisible Pink Unicorn.

Pastafarians need a cycling jersey

I was looking up my stats like I do every day, and I found a search term that has been right near the top of the list for over a month now, with an average of 2 hits a day using this string: “flying spaghetti monster cycling jersey”.

To which I say, “Hell yes!” What better deity for cyclists than sentient pasta? We live and die by complex carbohydrates and I can’t think of a better masculine deity than the FSM. For those not informed we already have a pre-roman mountain goddess to act as our feminine deity, the Lady Ghisallo.

For those who say the FSM is a made-up deity with no basis in the “real” world I say, “Yeah, so?” The existence/non-existence of a deity is unprovable as a matter of scientific fact, so why not believe? As theologies go the FSM has one of the least objectionable ones in existence with a complete ban on proselytizing and other rude practices. That’s because it was created by an engineer, a person who deals in logic. Where any faith is required it also requires compassion and comes right out and says there will be no further “enlightenment” forthcoming so if you hear voices telling you the FSM wants you to do something it’s either mental illness or advanced technology. That’s so cool, “I have already said everything I need to tell you, so if anyone tells you they got the word directly from Me they are nuts and can be ignored.”

So if anyone decides to make a FSM cycling jersey, send me one and a link to where others can buy it, and I’ll help promote it.

PSA, Opus