It was dark in the back of the police car, and it smelled funny, and not the funny that makes you laugh. We went bouncing around down the road for a while, and then the cop was pulling me out in front of my witch’s house, and my witch was helping him do it.
After the cop left I said to my witch,”You kinda blew that one didn’t you? That spell isn’t going to work if it gets you hurt and when cars fall apart you’re always there.”
“Actually I thought about that. I could say someone is out to get me, but they have bad aim,” my witch replied, “Or I could just improve the spell so that it doesn’t leave the car in 2 pieces when it makes it narrower.”
“I think you need to think about it some more, Witch,” as he put me away and made sure I was OK.
The next week was normal, with my witch going to places and doing things, and I took him there. Then we went for another ride out in the country, but on different roads than the last time. We stopped at a country store and my witch bought a soft drink, and my favorite road snack, a Wet Nap. Hey, they do a good job of cleaning the road grime off my frame, and they make me feel good and smell good. I’m a diva, and a diva must always look her best and not be stinky. Besides what do you think a bicycle would have for a road snack?
Anyway, I’m purring from the Wet Nap, and the witch is drinking the soft drink when an idiot pulls in talking loudly about how he doesn’t want anyone playing with toys on his roads, and babies had better stay off his roads. He repeats this very loudly every time he walked by us. Then he gets in his big SUV (naturally he’s driving a big, big, SUV) and starts to drive off, when I hear my witch chanting something under his breath while holding the soft drink up like he’s drinking, and this time I saw what it was that made that lady’s car fall in two pieces, moving very fast down the road straight at the SUV with the loudmouth driving it. It looked like a blue flame riding on a whisp of pink smoke, and it was moving very, very fast. I said “Uh. oh.” to my witch, just as the right two-thirds of the SUV turned into a cloud of pink smoke, and then the flame-thing vanished with a loud Boom. The remaining piece of the SUV fell over, and Loudmouth climbed out of the open window. The pink smoke smelled like cotton candy and motor oil (which I thought smelled pretty good, but then I like motor oil on special occasions), and my witch jumped up and said, “It came after me again! Call 911!” Of course I knew it wasn’t after him, but I’m a bicycle and I’m not supposed to talk to other people besides witches, and also, I kinda thought Loudmouth deserved it for threatening my witch. Of course the police came, but this time nobody was physically hurt. Loudmouth hadn’t connected his threats against my witch with what happened to his SUV, and the cop said that whatever hit the SUV wasn’t the same thing that hit my witch and the fat lady’s car before. The cop asked a bunch of questions about what hit the SUV, and the Fire Witch told him that he still couldn’t see what it was except it was fast and on the wrong side of the road again, and pink.
After my Fire Witch finished talking to the cop the lady behind the counter at the store brought out another soft drink and handed it to my witch, telling him it was on her. I didn’t think it was on her it looked like it was in a can to me, but I’m a bicycle and sometimes I think people say funny things. When the Fire Witch finished the second drink he thanked the lady several times, got back on me and headed down the road, but not to the house.
“What, are you out hunting, or something?” I asked him when we were away from the store.
“Or something.” the Fire Witch said with a flat voice. “I have a weapon, but I can’t use it very often,” he continued in that same flat voice. Then he brightened up and said in a happy voice, “So I better make sure that when I use it the people really deserve it, right?”
“How will you decide when people really deserve to have a huge chunk of their cars turned into pink smoke?” I asked.
“Well, the last guy that got it, the one making noises about playing with toys in the roads? He really deserved it.” said my witch. “That fat lady maybe not so much, but the first guy definitely deserved it.”
“So, just yelling to get out of the way isn’t enough, but saying things about killing people playing in the road is enough?” I asked again. “That makes some sense, what about people that yell at you and pass real close?”
“Oh, they definitely deserve it. But I’ll have to take some damage when I do their cars, like I accidentally did with the fat lady.” Then he smiled real big and happy, “But I have to make another spell that will take the chunk out of the middle without leaving the car in two pieces. Or maybe turn the car into something else, but that’s something that might cause me trouble with the other witches.”
And as we rolled down the road we rode hard and fast and every few minutes he would laugh a little bit, and he sounded happy and I felt good. I could still smell my Wet Nap snack, and I felt real good.
to be continued