OK here’s the sitch with the new med. First and foremost is I’m really slow today after having slept 14 hours today and falling asleep during RPG group yesterday. Second it will be at least a week before I know if the new med is actually reducing my depression, but the side effects kicked in with the first pill. My reaction to this is “Really!? I get zombified right from the get-go but no positive effects for a week?” At this point I have to make Hobson’s Choice with 3 bad options: No meds and stay depressed with basically flatlined emotions, take the SSRI and wave bye-bye to my sex life but have some emotional range, or spend all day asleep so it doesn’t matter if I have emotions because I’m not awake to experience them. The pharmacist said the side effects will diminish as the medication builds up in my system and my system learns to adapt to the med. All I can say is I hope so. Because I hate living like this.
Because of spending so much time asleep I haven’t been able to get anything done on the TGS2, like, at all. I’m going to keep trying but given the situation medicinally I don’t see much of a solution to this conundrum. To use the standard automotive simile I’m stuck in gumbo mud and just spinning my wheels.
It’s kinda like the dream I had this morning. I was part of a space crew orbiting a planet that had been completely wiped out by a global thermonuclear war, no biosphere and an atmosphere so radioactive that nothing could live, trying to create living chemistry. The location was chosen so as to have a “safe” place to crash the project should something go wrong. If anything could survive that hell-hole it damned well earned the right to. Anyway in my dream we had gotten to the point that the chemicals were self-reproducing and organizing, when something almost woke me up and “changed the channel”.
Tl;dr I’m getting tired of this brain BS and just want to be not-depressed and everything else work like it’s supposed to.