Seriously, can you imagine what this blog would look like if I had the funds and facilities to make everything that popped out of my fevered imagination. Think an amalgam of The Hacksmith, Cleetus McFarland, and Mythbusters, on crack with a side order of Battlebots, and I can’t even think of an analogy for the human powered monstrosities. Speaking of which I was contemplating a pedal powered cell phone charger using readily available parts using an old kid’s bike I have in the garage, a stool, a alternator, a 12V SLA battery out of a lawnmower, and a cigarette lighter plug USB outlet. You would have to supply your own charge cord, but if you had good cadence you could get your phone from zero to 85% in about 15 minutes. Cell phones have relatively tiny batteries and can stand charge rates of 5C up to 85% without damage. Seriously most of your charge time is spent packing that last 15% in without damaging the cell, because that’s where the Lithium cell starts building the heat. A healthy non-athlete can easy put out 150 watts for 15 minutes, back when I was riding every day I tested at 150 watts for an hour and was barely breathing hard by the end of the hour. That was the year I managed to finally finish the Hotter ‘n’ Hell Hundred without breaking the bike.
Anywho, back to the finding a sponsor for my madness, who do you think would be a good match? I’m thinking a pharmaceutical company on account of how many years I spent as a lab rat. Something along the lines of the old “Better living through chemistry” slogan DuPont used to have. Or maybe a casket maker, “Opus will never need our products, but you will eventually!” Or maybe an energy drink that wants to show how their product sharpens the mind. The possibilities are endless… as are the reasons to use somebody else as a spokesperson.
I just had a flash on the last one; “I was killed in 2001, if 20,000 Volt Energy Drink keeps me moving just think what it will do for you.” Yeah, I know morbid and silly. That’s actually a pretty good description for me personality wise. Anyway background of a recreation of the wreck scene with a CGI depiction of my body crushing the truck’s roof and flying through the air while the not-dead me extols the invigorating qualities of 20,000 Volt Energy. “The blend of caffeine, B-Complex vitamins, and amino acids combined with that fresh citrus taste really keep me going through those long creative sessions inventing usefully fun stuff. Sure beats chasing people down for their brains. And remember, when they scrape your broken body off the street, pop the top on a 20KV and say you’re not ready for a body bag yet.”
You think Monster Energy is ready for a new sub-brand yet?