Well, I had something new pop up yesterday morning. I had been doing a lot of stuff at the computer the last couple of days, which means a lot of time sitting behind the desk with the rocking chair. Well yesterday and this morning I had a new kind of pain to deal with as the usual swelling in my feet went away. I want to say it was excruciating but really it was just annoying, and something I haven’t learned how to block via meditation. It’s a sharp, stabbing pain in my toes and the soles of my feet, and as I said it’s not bad, but since I can’t block it, it really gets on my nerves.
Speaking of nerves, my hypothesis is this is nerve pain because the pain pills I have for joint and muscle pain don’t even touch this pain. In fact this morning it didn’t even start until after I took the pills. And I borrowed one of Mrs. the Poet’s opiate pain pills she got after her surgery (the first one out of the bottle, I taught her my meditation pain management methods) and it did “nothing”.
Pain has been the word of the day at Casa de El Poeta, as I try to figure this one out. Nerve pain is especially vexing. My normal methods of dealing with pain are to meditate, and visualize the pain as a gate or fence with a gate, that was keeping me from living my life, then open the gate and walk through it, but nerve pain didn’t work that way. It didn’t 19 years ago and it doesn’t now. Back right after the wreck I was prescribed Neurontin for the nerve pain which was a recent use of the drug which was normally used to suppress seizures, which was something else that happened to me after the wreck. So since I had already had seizures the night of the wreck, and I had nerve pain because my lower leg had been basically turned into hamburger by the impact and everything was a mess and there was massive nerve damage the assessment was that I was having something like a seizure where all the nerve damage was, especially since I didn’t have pain while they were trying to prevent any seizures in the hospital. They had me on more than one anti-seizure med at first, then just one and just before I was discharged it was none.
But after I got home I started getting horrible pains in the area of the “hamburger” that had been my calf muscles, and also in my foot and toes. And to go with that I had bad stuff going on with my foot, with sensations not being felt where the stimulus was applied. Touching a toe would feel like something on the sole and vice-versa, although the exchanges were never one-to-one. When touching a toe felt like the bottom of my foot, touching that spot felt like a toe, but not the same toe that touching made feel like that spot on the bottom of my foot. Eventually I got the wiring sorted out by getting my foot rubbed by my care attendant and by Mrs. the Poet. I could see where I was getting rubbed, and I could tell my brain that in spite of what it felt like that was what was going on.
And so now we have the nerves acting up again, on both legs this time. This makes me think that I’m having age-related issues instead of more stuff to do with the wreck. Which is good, in a relative way. It’s not good because it hurts and pain is ungood, but it’s similar to what people who have never been killed by getting hit with a truck go through every day, kind of good. For me that makes it the “not bad” kind of good. Sure it’s uncomfortable, but it’s the normal kind of uncomfortable that old people sometimes go through every day, which makes it a “good-ish” thing.
And I’m feeling self-conscious about talking about pain to the point that the only reason I’m hitting publish is otherwise I have wasted all this time typing out what is going on, and I would have to come up with something else to publish.