As the anniversary approaches the reality of getting killed is harder to deal with. The problem is I have virtually no existing literature to fall back on, because of the sparsity of people who died and didn’t stay dead, and came back from the dead on their own. In existing literature most of the people who did this went full messianic prophecy, and did not lead a normal life post-death. And as I finished typing the sentence I realized the level of contradiction and absurdity in it. From what I can tell, most people who are killed and come back on their own either go full Christian and get lots of press, or go full Atheist and everything they did was suppressed or basically ignored. Self-revivifying Pagans are so scarce as to basically not exist. Even ones who are brought back by CPR or some other means are far outnumbered by Christians or other monotheist religions.
Now, how this intersected with my religion or lack of same, didn’t really change much. I keep hearing that I was saved for a reason, but I really haven’t seen it beyond my work for bicycle safety last decade that has basically made zero impact on the world. I mean I have been working on cyclist safety since 2002 and basically gotten nowhere. We are dying faster than ever now, and more than ever. It’s like I never even said anything to anybody.
Basically all I have managed to do in the last 20 years is comfort old ladies and annoy young ones. Now some may say that’s something that needs to be done, but it basically has gotten me alone without female companionship. Even though I live with a woman I’m not getting much female companionship. We kinda share meals and an address, but not so much in the way of physical affection anymore. Like I said, her body is in rough shape since her surgery, about the same as I was the same amount of time since the wreck and the surgery to remove the hardware in my leg. I wasn’t real physical then, but I was more physical than Mrs. the Poet is now. But that is not relevant to the situation of lack of female companionship. Part of that is the result of outliving my other partners that I have related in earlier posts. And as they said it wasn’t that I was Mr. Right, it was that I was Mr. Right There, we had been acquaintances for years but when they wanted a man I was Right There and not demanding anything. Basically that has been my Modus Operandi pretty much since I graduated HS 45 years ago, be there and not demand anything, just make the offer. And for the most part, that has worked.
The current problem arises from not having many female friends for whom I can be Mr. Right Now. Most of the people I used to know are not here anymore, either deceased or moved on. And that’s not just the females, the males have either died or moved on as well. It is what it is and there’s precious little I can do about it.