I’m still in a mood

I’m low-level angry, also same in pain, also same in need of hugs and kisses, and I think there is a correlation. I think the angry and lack of hugs and kisses are related, as well as the angry and in pain. Basically I’m angry and in pain because I’m not getting hugs and kisses on anything approaching regular and they are on a feedback loop making each other worse. The pains are making me more angry which prevents me from getting hugs and kisses because it turns off my partner, which makes me more angry because no hugs or kisses… Ad infinitum. They all basically make the other worse in a vicious cycle, and until I can figure out a way of breaking the chain I’m up the unsanitary tributary without visible means of locomotion. And everything still hurts.

Now it’s not severe pain, it’s just kinda achy and uncomfortable. On a scale of 1 to “you’re here and your leg is over there” out of 10 I’m about a 3, edging on 4. I know it hurts but I can still do stuff pretty well in spite of it hurting when I try to do stuff. Also I haven’t gotten violent yet, even though I want to because nothing has crossed over that threshold yet. My state of mind is I don’t want to hurt anybody I just want the pains to stop. Also I’m not violent because I don’t have anything to get violent against. All my pains have long outlived their causes. The guy who broke my hip, dead. The truck he used was scrapped in 2002. The train incident was a decade ago. The tumor was removed from my neck in 2015. Basically I don’t have anything left to punch over my medical issues, so I don’t.


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