Category Archives: Daily post

The road goes on forever

But the party ended a long time ago. This pandemic is going to kill me. I don’t like to keep harping on the same subject (almost 8 years of articles on bicycle wrecks and infrastructure notwithstanding) but this keeping socially distanced is causing me actual harm. I have needs that preclude keeping any distance, much less 6 feet.

And the source of today’s headline is this mournful tune: Robert Earl Keen- The Road Goes On Forever And The Party Never Ends I picked a version that wasn’t as long as the others, because the song shouldn’t go on forever.

I’m still trying to stay mobile enough to climb in and out of the cage of the Sprint-T, but between the lack of range-of-motion in my hips and the pains in my shoulders and everything getting worse it’s a race between getting the raw stock in and the main hoops bent and not being able to move right to get in. I’m hoping I win this race, by finishing the car before I can’t swing a leg over the top of the cage.

And this feels like a good place to wrap up for the night.

Not actually making progress

Mrs. the Poet has been encouraging me to find other outlets for my hugging and kissing and cuddling needs, because when I meet them with her it causes her pain. And before anyone makes a comment there’s no BDSM involved, it just makes her hurt to be cuddled since she had back surgery in March of 2020. So because it hurts her and I need it to stay sane, she’s told me I need to find some local to me. So far this has been a fruitless search. Those that have expressed interest have not been local, and nobody local has expressed interest. As you might imagine this also causes me distress.

On other fronts I finally got the HotWheels car I wanted for Christmas:
I can't decide if this is a straight six from looking at the top, or a V6 from looking at the exhaust

And this:
This is more from the side

For the benefit of people who can’t read the title texts “I can’t decide if this is a straight six from looking at the top, or a V6 from looking at the exhaust”, and “This is more from the side”. The car is a Mod Rod and I have zero idea of what it’s based on, but it resembles a ’32 Ford Victoria from the rear 3/4.

So, what do you think of my new thing I got last week?

I can’t do what I need to do for my happiness, what do I do?

I’m in a quandary. I need physical contact including hugs and kisses, but don’t have access to people who want to have physical contact. As you might imagine, this causes me problems. I need physical contact on the regular, and right now I’m at one for 2021 and not looking any better for 2022.

I try to sublimate my need for physical affection by massage, but TBH that is a poor substitute for the exchange of physical affection. It’s better than nothing, but that’s not saying much. Ramen noodles are better than nothing but living on just the noodles long-term will result in malnutrition, and substituting massage for acts of physical affection will result in the emotional equivalent of malnutrition. And the causes of both are pretty much the same, one is the inability to buy and prepare nutritious food, the other is the inability to find or hire someone willing to provide the kind of physical affection that maintains sanity. Money cures many forms of insufficiency.

And this is kinda short but the post is degenerating into a pity party and nobody wants that.

Happy Insurrection-verserary

I’m going political again, because this was as big an attack on the country as 9/11. And I’m not kidding, 9/11 was an attack by external enemies, but 1/6 was an attack from within. I watched it live as it happened, and I know what I saw.

There are people trying to say it was Antifa (even though they can’t pronounce it right) or Democrats under a false flag (literally as they were waving Trump campaign banners), which when you stop to think about it is about as dumb as it gets. Why would the Democrats try to overthrow an election they won? But then nobody has ever accused MAGAts of having an excess of logic capacity.

But forget all that, how are you dealing with the anniversary of the attempted overthrow of the government?

And the correct way to pronounce Antifa is to use the component words of the portmanteau, anti and fa for fascist, Anti-Fascist, like Anti-Aircraft cannons, not using the Hispanic pronunciation with the “i” accented and pronounced like “ee”, or having the “fa” unaccented. That irks me so much, pronouncing words wrong. I’m a guy who has been working with words since the close of the previous century and words matter to me. I was proclaimed to be the Opus who was the poet and not the penguin way back in 1998, which means words have been part of my Identity for about 22 years. It’s like when a mechanic sees someone using a screwdriver as a prybar or a chisel, it’s just wrong all the way down to my soul.

And I really need to get my neck worked on again, I’m having problems drinking the last bits from a cup, glass, or bottle because I can’t tilt my neck back that far. The 2 liter bottles are especially troublesome, because the necks are uphill from the parts of the bottles that collect the last of the drink.

The fireworks and gunshots are over

So we decided it was safe to stick our heads above ground and take a look around. People in TX really like shooting guns and fireworks to celebrate things, and there were many bullets flying last night. It was like a war zone between the fireworks and the gunshots.

It’s supposed to get around 20°F tomorrow morning after getting to 70° this afternoon, which does bad things to people’s health. This is partially the result of our location near the boundary of continental and coastal weather areas, which gets us some rather violent weather, and partially because of climate change which makes these boundary areas more severe. But anyway the temperature has been dropping like a rock off a cliff outside, and went from toasty warm to “I had to put a shirt on” in my office in just a few hours. Seriously I was watching the news with just sweatpants and slippers and the thermostat was reading over 70°, and now the thermometer on my clock is showing 65° and my fingers are freezing and working intermittently. And the emergency resistance heater just kicked in, I can tell because it smells like burned hair in here.

I’m still thinking about the Sprint-T, but as raw material prices are way up and my available budget is way down my completion date is now even more indefinite than before, which makes me even more depressed than before. And like I wrote before I’m not sure I’ll be able to get in and out of the car with my limited range of motion in my hips and shoulders, something else to make me depressed. Like I really needed more things to be depressed about. Between my love life and the Sprint-T, well there just hasn’t been much to get happy over. But then again aside from that things are pretty good. I have a safe place to sleep, more than enough food, and the heat and AC both work, as was proved with both today. Things could be much worse.

And things have been much worse, not that long ago. Being hit by the truck and being dead is like a blink of the eye for me, but then again impossibly long ago. It has been nearly a third of my life since the wreck, but some days it feels like yesterday. That’s just how it is.

And now I’m getting maudlin on you guys, so this feels like a good time to put this one to bed.

“Thinking Too Much” again

And trying to figure out how not to think too much, because truth be told it hurts!

Like seriously, considering all the things I did wrong, or all the things I did right but hurt somebody but only because it was the lesser of two evils. Or because there was no alternative, and my natural alignment is Chaotic Good. Good when I can, but Chaotic when I Must. And far too often, I Must be chaos, for the Greater Good. And even though I know this is for good it still hurts.

Anyway, I start thinking about this when I read fiction that is about having to make moral choices. The really good superhero fiction is all about moral choices, like the first arc of the Spiderman story through Uncle Ben’s funeral, or the Hail Hydra arc of Captain America. Or another Cap arc, the Nomad story. Or the original Robin’s metamorphosis to Nightwing to bring in an example from the DC universe. Sure most superhero stories are wish-fulfilment fantasies, but many of them are all about morals and choices, and consequences of those choices. One story I read the hero/protagonist had to make the same choice, over and over, and no matter which choice she made the outcome was the same, it just was quicker or slower, depending on the choice. The Who What When and Where never changed, just the direction from where it came from, and how many people got hurt between making the choice and the final outcome, and it wasn’t The Protagonist that was ultimately affected, the choice was about a third party’s life or death.

Anyway I have been thinking about some of those moments in my own life, and possible alternative outcomes, or even if there was any chance of an alternative outcome. You know, as you do when you are a super. And eventually you just have to accept that what is done is locked away in the past and is unchangeable. What you did, and what was done to you. The best you can do is making sure nobody else is harmed by the things done to you, and that you never do again the things that harmed someone else.

And that’s enough words and thinking for tonight.

I’ve been reading a lot of superhero fiction lately

And I keep thinking as I read about the lower-powered heroes, “I’ve done that (or that happened to me a couple of times)”. I even made a page on the site about it, my history is that of a low-power super. I have survived things that would have killed most people, several times. Since everyone knows supers are just fantasy wish-fulfilment I kept telling myself I had extraordinary luck, not superpowers. The first two times I walked away from getting hit by trucks I tried to come up with a plausible story (hit me with both feet in the air, the frame was eaten away by rust) that just made it look like I was just very lucky, not a super.

Even in the face of undeniable evidence of superpowers (2001-08-31) I maintained for years I was “lucky”. And the recovery was in the super level as well, I used to joke that I was an IRL Wolverine because of how fast I healed from injuries.

So, anyway, I’m reading the ninth book in the Wearing the Cape series Joyeux Guard and the POV of the story bounces all over the place but in the part I’m reading now the narrator is a human (Base) Journo writing a story about the new Super team that’s the same name as the title of the book. I’m just a tick over halfway through the book but I felt compelled to write for some reason as the journo gets caught in a terror attack on a refugee camp in Khazakstan and uses a taser with a setting called “dinosaur” to distract a high-level super from attacking the good guys in Joyeux Guard while helping protect refugee kids. Basically her taser is just powerful enough to distract Super Baddie from continuing his attack on the MC of the series (even though she’s barely even in some of the books like Bite Me).

And now I’ve had less than 4 hours of sleep in the last 36, and I’m on fumes, literally. I’m going to turn off my music player, put this post to bed, and then put myself in bed.

Am I allowed to be angry?

On the one hand I’m a white cishet male, with all the advantages that entails. On the other hand it has been almost 10 months since I had “that kind” of contact with a person of my desired gender in spite of actually sleeping with one in the same bed, that I paid for, in a house that I paid off, and that I pay the taxes and insurance for every year. And I don’t have the budget to pay someone to get “that kind” of physical contact.

So, am I allowed to be angry? I don’t get any free, can’t buy any, so basically don’t get any at all. On top of that things hurt all the time, which I think is related to the previously stated problem.

Took Mrs. the Poet to dinner last night

I fired up the old cell phone for a trip to our favorite local (to us) restaurant and bought Mrs. the Poet a good dinner. Well I don’t know about “good” as in it wasn’t haute cuisine, but the food was pretty good tasting, and there was a lot of it.

I had my usual burger from this place, which was two quarter-pound patties, 2 full strips of bacon, and a fried egg, with the usual vegetables on a burger. Mrs. the Poet had a grilled chicken sandwich which was like, half a chicken worth of meat on a patty, I have no idea how they did that to look like a grilled chicken breast unless they have made some GMO chicken that is 30% breast by weight, that said sandwich she pronounced “Delicious”. It had a bunch of sauces and garnishes that I didn’t recognize, but as Mrs. the Poet said it was good, so as long as she’s happy with the food I’m happy she was happy. I’m sure the Long Island Iced Tea did a lot to improve her perception of the food and her mood. I had my usual Coke Zero. We also had Too Many Onion Rings as our appetizer, and a single scoop Sundae for her dessert. I skipped dessert because I was going to have something at home later.

The Former Guy was in town for something or other at a local church that has more money than sense, and fortunately the Giant Meteor managed to not wipe out the state, by not showing up. Also in the news was the forecast for Christmas is going to match the record high temperature of 80°F, which is crazy hot for the end of December. Well last week of December, not the actual end.

Also I installed the antenna on Mrs. the Poet’s TV to see how viable cutting the cord will be. Answer: not very. We get 2 channels and about 10 sub-channels, and pretty much none of it is what we watch on the regular. This is puzzling, because almost all the broadcast TV comes from an antenna farm 13 miles away in SE Dallas except for one a little closer but in the same area which was one of the channels we got. Also puzzling what we got was crystal clear and solid, but other channels less than a quarter-mile further away were nothing but static. Basically everything but the two channels we got was static, but what we got was rock solid and clear as cable TV. Don’t ask me to explain it, my experience with TV was from the analog days, this digital stuff I understand intellectually but not in practice.

I may have to abandon the Sprint-T project because I won’t be able to get in and out of it. I had a terrible time installing the antenna on the wall and that was just 2 steps up and down the stepstool, not clambering over the side and through the top of a roll cage. It’s not a matter of strength, it’s I’m losing agility. Basically all my hip and knee injuries are coming home to roost, I have trouble moving my leg high enough to make the step, same problem I had trying to get on a bike two years ago but worse. I don’t have the range of motion I need to climb over the top of the cage and get into my car. There’s nothing that hurts, it’s just my leg doesn’t go that far anymore. I can make a regular ladder step, but not the move I’ll need to swing into the top of the roll cage. I might have to build a roll cage simulator to practice getting in and out of my car…geriatric jungle gym? America’s Funniest Home Video candidate?

Nothing much new since last post

Basically nothing has changed since I last posted except for new pains in my knee. Well not “new”, just pains that I haven’t had in a while. Oh, and I had an update on Windows that I didn’t approve before it happened. Basically I shut the computer down before bed and had to wait 20 minutes for the update to install when I fired the computer back up after I woke up. Very annoying.

The “new” pains are actually old pains I hadn’t had for a while, like years. Basically my right knee is a little unstable from back in the XXth century because I have been abusing my knees since the 1970s, and when they get sloppy the edges pinch and hurt. Well my right knee is “sloppy” and I’m getting pinching pains off and on at the inside and outside edges when I walk. As said, it’s annoying, but not crippling. And I know crippling pain. As in when I got hit there was torn ligaments in my left knee that didn’t get caught and fixed until months later and the doctor wasn’t able to do much because I had already healed up the torn edges but the ligaments were longer than they should be because the edges should have been touching as they healed but they weren’t. And I had the same pinching pains in my left knee I have in my right knee now. So long story short an old injury is back from a long time ago.

On the Sprint-T the aches and pains are keeping my from finishing the layout for the Drillium of the front axle and I really need to get longer drill bits so the pilot holes line up on opposite sides and look better, so the actual holes are directly behind the hole in the front of the axle and on the same plane front to back. I don’t know how much actual weight a bunch (theoretical maximum of 76 total) of 0.75″ holes drilled front and back of 0.25″ wall thickness is going to save, but it is something. Also the holes will reduce the strength in impacts so less force gets transmitted to the driver in a wreck. As you might imagine less forces on the driver in a wreck is kinda important to me. And running the numbers I can realistically expect almost 2 pounds less unsprung weight from all those holes. Yay? So actually worth the work?

Other news I’m taking Mrs. the Poet to dinner for her birthday but not on her birthday, she’s turning 69 tomorrow, but we’re going to dinner on Sunday. It looks like we’ll be going to the local Red Robin, because she wants to sit down with a menu but doesn’t want to spend money. She’s fully vaxxed, so am I, but we still want to limit exposure and the local Red Robin is still doing social distancing, so that makes us happy less worried.