Tag Archives: D&D 3.5

Play me as a race in D&D 3.5

I was thinking about it after a late night discussion of what real-life me would be like in D&D 3.5. One of the things we talked about was serious levels of natural armor and damage reduction, along with quick healing, and some other things. So, I present Opus as a D&D race.

Race Opuses

Opuses are a peaceful race distantly related to trolls and halflings but with skin tones that suggest human as well. They are less hairy than halflings, but males are known to have monobrows that extend to the tips of their noses. Hair color for an Opus is much like an anime character, almost any color in the spectrum (including infrared and ultraviolet) can be a natural hair color, and beards and eyebrows are not restricted to the same or even similar colors as hair anywhere else on the head or body. It is not common but even beards and moustaches can be colored differently on a male Opus. Male body hair can even have patterns like a cat, but that is unusual. There is a strong sexual dimorphism about body and facial hair for Opuses, with males getting furrier as they age while females have little to no body hair and barely have eyebrows.

Body appearance for an Opus is like a miniature troll, rounded head with a strong eyebrow ridge and long arms and torso with short legs. The legs are usually muscular with large calves because Opuses spend so much time walking or using strider horses, wheeled contraptions that allow them to move as fast as a horse on level ground, and much faster going downhill. We would call them hobby horses or balance bikes. They are common items in Opus villages.

The Opus’ deity has one commandment: “Make something awesome.” Some interpret this as “every day” while some interpret it as “before you die” with varying degrees of what constitutes “awesome”. But everyone tries to follow this commandment. This makes crafting a religious imperative, with one skill point per level assigned to crafting. Because of their deity Opuses are craftspersons of many things, with some specializing in one kind of thing and making that as well as Opusly possible. Opus tools are highly prized as objects of art as well as things to make other things, with ornate carved handles and etched and engraved blades. Similarly Opus clothing is either highly ornate or highly functional or sometimes both with the decorative touches meant to add another layer of functionality. It is not uncommon for Opus cloaks to be reversible, with one side meant to conceal and the other to attract attention, like a hunter’s vest that had a woodland pattern on one side and was bright orange on the other. There is also the skill “craft everything” that when taken allows an Opus to make nearly any non-magical item from whatever is available and have it be serviceable. It probably won’t be pretty, but it will work and will hold up to repeated use. As an example an Opus with this skill could mine the local dirt for meteorite dust that he could then forge into a knife or sword using a stick as the hilt. This is a valuable skill for an adventuring party. Warlock Opuses level 10 or higher can also use Eldritch Blast to forge metal without a fire or hammer. Opus are also very good cooks, partially because they need to eat 3 times as much as a human because of the natural armor and DR.

Almost all Opuses are magical to some extent, with 3 out of 4 being Warlocks with natural magic, half of those not a Warlock being a Wizard, and the final one in eight having no effective magic. The rare Opuses without magick are not all that crippled as they don’t share the -3 Cha penalty the rest of the race gets. As a race Opuses are the only Warlocks with healing spells, having “reversed engineered” Sickening Blast invocation to Healing Touch, with d8+level HP restored up to 20 times a day. This magical ability is stacked on whatever class the Opus player selects at startup.

In battle Warlock and Wizard Opuses use ranged spells and invocations to cover as much of the battlefield as possible while retaining as many options as possible. Those with Healing Touch will try to stay within a one-step distance of “squishies” for a quick healing if needed during battle.

Character creation. An Opus has +3 bonuses to Int and Wis, and a -3 penalty to Cha, unless the Opus has no magic. An Opus has no AC bonus for Dex (effectively always flat-footed) but gets a d6 bonus to base AC for Natural Armor (not bypassed by Touch attacks) at character creation and gets a d20 DR at character creation that stacks with any DR from class progression. Opuses have a ranged deduction on spot checks of -2 per 5 feet increment, but a natural +1 per level on listen checks. An Opus gets 1 extra skill point per level for crafting that can’t be used for any other skills, including at character creation. Opuses also get bonuses in any skill that can also be used to create things like rope skills and others of that nature at one point per level. To get Healing Touch the character has to have Sickening Blast and used it at least once. This is normally done during formal Opus education at the primary level so that as many Opuses as possible know how to use this invocation, but some Opuses don’t get Sickening Blast until they reach higher levels, and one in 4 is not a Warlock.

An Opus is a Medium size creature with a movement of 20 on foot, 15 swimming and climbing, and 100 on the strider horse on flat terrain, with normal 20 uphill and as much as 300 downhill. In addition a strider horse can carry 5 times the character’s carry on back limits of cargo with a half speed reduction going uphill. These are so common in Opus villages they almost seem like they are grafted to the villagers. All Opuses are ChG alignment and can play as any class that can be ChG. Any Warlock or Wizard Opus would have to multi-class to play as any other class, those are permanent parts of the race.

Opuses speak and read Common and Elvish plus Opus, which is a variation of Troll not understood by any other race. The written language for Opus uses the glyphs used by Elvish but pronounced differently (like Japanese uses Chinese characters), so someone who reads Elvish would read Opus as gibberish in Elvish.

Opus get whatever HP they get as a class or d10+Con per level, whichever is higher.

PSA, Opus (not the D&D race).

Another day playing Kinky D&D, and the feed

I have sad news from the dungeon. My Warlock8 was killed by a party member under a geas-like compulsion to love my apprentice and kill all other suitors. Even with the -5 penalty for a called shot while the target was in grapple with the person the geas required her to save, our half-ogre barbarian managed to behead my Warlock. At the moment I’m kibbutzing the party as a spirit that is only half heard, making suggestions from vantage points no one else in the party can get to, dispensing advice from the Great Beyond, until we find out if there is any chance at resurrecting my body. If we find that there is no way to bring me back in a timely manner my “spirit” will pass beyond the veil, and I’ll have to roll a new character.

Up first today, the worst injured victim of a serial hit-and-run driver has died. Cyclist in hit-and-run crash has died and Report: Driver accused of hitting cyclist nearly 3 times over limit also Cyclist in weekend hit-and-run on life support You know someone at the DA’s office is going to get two brain cells bumping together and connect 3 separate hit-and-runs against cyclists, and the probablity THAT IT WAS DONE ON PURPOSE and upgrade the charges to attempted murder on behalf of the surviving victims, and murder for the cyclist who died.

This just showed in my Twitter: Jeffrey Rowland ‏@wigu 9 hours ago
Chasing a flying bat down a hallway on my bike was a thing I did today. So, I guess that’s a thing now.

Our Daily Ted. Morning Links: LAPD handcuff South LA cyclist over traffic ticket; Taylor Phinney makes amazing comeback

Update on a wreck in NYC that just became fatal. 24-Year-Old Woman Dies One Week After Being Pinned To Light Pole By Midtown Driver This was a pedestrian, but because of the weapon vehicle crossing the bike lane it could just as easily have been a cyclist.

How much evidence does LEO need to arrest someone for hit-and-run? How Much Evidence Does The NYPD Need To Arrest A Hit & Run Driver? Well, apparently having video of the weapon vehicle, and a piece of the weapon vehicle that has been matched by forensic evidence that was left at the scene isn’t enough if the victim was a cyclist.

Update on the NY cyclist left-crossed by a bus last week. Congers bicyclist killed by bus was artist, musician And a fellow UU.

Meanwhile over in CT. Police say injured cyclist was at fault I suppose it is possible that a cyclist ran the red in the crosswalk.

A MI cyclist is injured by a drunk driver in this article I can’t finish because of the paywall. Bicyclist injured; man arrested after crash Yeah, drunk drivers still need to lose their cars, and also spend the rest of their lives in prison when they kill. If I were Emperor they would get taken out in a mass execution with a semi with a reinforced bumper once a month until they started getting the message and STOPPED DRIVING DRUNK! How many years do you think that would take?

An IL cyclist is hit so hard the driver had to go to hospital for treatment of injuries. 2 injured after crash involving bicycle, car in Grand Tower That requires either an older model car that does not have the second layer of transparent vinyl on the inside to prevent flying glass shards on the inside of the vehicle, or the cyclist is as tough as the writer of this blog when it comes to a heavy impact.

A western WA cyclist gets clobbered with a motor vehicle. Female Kirkland cyclist hit by truck on Market Street, in critical condition Yeah, there ain’t no “gentle taps” with a big truck. This was the “other” kind of crossing wreck, the cyclist was on the through street and the weapon vehicle was turning left from the cross street.

In the most deadliest state to walk or ride a bike. Bicyclist killed in North Fort Myers crash This one reads like two separate wrecks, one where the cyclist was hit by a vehicle that lost control in the bad weather and drove up on the sidewalk, and the other where the cyclist was crossing the road mid block and one driver stopped and the other driver went around the stopped vehicle and hit the cyclist as he came outt from the front of the stopped vehicle. And now the link has changed again removing the part about the cyclist crossing the road. Given that the weapon vehicle is sitting on its side there is a strong possibility that the “lost control in the rain and wrecked on the sidewalk” part of the report that is still up is the narrative that LEO are going with. And good luck trying to avoid that kind of wreck.

A little infrastructure news from Portland. City settles on diagonal design for diverter on NE Rodney This means one diverter can stop ratrunning on both streets of the intersection, reducing traffic volume through residential areas, for cheap.

Paradise says “What is your opinion?”. Honolulu Bike-Share Asks Users to Help With System Design

Remember that cyclist trapped under a car in Jolly Olde? Update on critically injured cyclist freed from beneath car on organised bike ride in Cotswolds Turns out getting stuck under a car is not good for your health.

Terrible drivers and terrible roads and what have you got? Why Manchester is a terrible cycling city

Some cities get that bicycles are not cars. The city that lets cyclists jump red lights

I’m not sure if this was an attempt at humor, or just a troll. Cyclist education would help to prevent accidents The reason I mention humor and trolling is the comments section pointed out the intersection mentioned in the letter does not exist.

And this is just so… special. Wes Anderson Spotted Riding Citibicycle Around Manhattan

And I’m outta links again.

Billed @€0.02, Opus the Unkillable Badass Poet (11 more shopping days until my Death day)

Today’s delayed blog post brought to you by new shorts, and the Feed

I had to go out in the heat again, this time to buy shorts (outerwear) because the ones I have now are well on the way to becoming rags. I have one (1) pair that is not split up the back and only useful for wearing around the house when I don’t want to bother getting dressed, and that pair is developing huge holes where the pockets used to be. The corners of the pockets started to tear away from the then pants, and even though the pockets have been removed the holes continue to grow with every wearing. So I go to the store to buy new shorts I can wear on the bike or just “around”. Back soon, I swear. 😀 OK, I bought 3 pairs of shorts on sale at the Old Navy across the street from the sporting goods store I shopped first and rejected for costing too much, total costs $21.01 including tax. I got one black, one medium grey, and one light green pair in my size on sale for 50% off. So now I don’t have to wear raggedy shorts outside just to have pockets for stuff.

The Big Story continues to be the impaired driver who crossed 4 lanes to hit a sidewalk cyclist head on. Driver charged after cyclist hit and killed in Hickory and Police: Driver charged after cyclist hit, killed in Hickory and this one that was very hard to track down ‘I’ve never seen anything like that’ That last one I had to do an archive search at the paper because the URL and headline had changed. That “nobody would have done something like this on purpose” quote is exactly what makes me think he “done it on purpose”, or as Mrs. the Poet says, “Only someone who did it on purpose would say it that way.”

Remember that woman killed on USBR 36? Charges filed in Alton bicycle death

Someone wanted to show that this death was not an accident. MAN SHOT AND KILLED WHILE RIDING BICYCLE IN WYNNEFIELD Got out of the car to stop the cyclist and shoot him in the face, then got back into the car. That pretty much defines “not an accident” for me.

A cyclist in MA finds that drivers do not pay attention to bikes anywhere. Cyclist injured after colliding with car in Brockton Cyclist negotiating a parking lot and driver not looking for bicycles in the parking lot. And a miraculous transformation took place, “The man was riding a bicycle in the parking lot of the Westgate Mall about 10 a.m. when he turned into a car.” I wish I could turn into a car sometimes. Does anyone remember Turbo Teen?

Commentary on bicycle infrastructure in MN. Thoughts on danger and biking The chances of getting hit are low but non-zero, and the consequences fall mainly on the cyclist because there is little likelihood of prosecution in a wreck. And the article that brought on this article. Hit by a car (again) in Downtown St. Paul, or why we need the bike plan The cyclist was taking the least-awful route between destinations, not the “best”.

And a less local look but still from the same city. Is a safe bike ride too much to ask?

And it isn’t limited to drivers vs. cyclists, either. WATCH: Horrifying video as man is struck by car and thrown into the air in road rage brawl They hit the guy with his own car after failing to hit him with their fists.

I think this might be infrastructure-related, seeing as this was the scene of one of the UK’s worst motor vehicle wrecks before this bike wreck. Cyclist dies after falling from notorious bridge in North Yorkshire Dales The bridge has been in existence at least since 1925 when they had a big wreck there that killed 7, but that is no excuse especially since they had the wreck in 1975.

This door prize was within inches of being fatal. Heart-stopping moment cyclist falls into path of a black cab after swerving to avoid car door Cyclist injured, bike and cab damaged, all because the driver of the weapon vehicle failed to maintain a proper lookout.

And this from the Emerald Isle of my ancestry. High death and injury rates among cyclists alarm road safety campaigners Maybe adopting the CROW manual instead of trying to reinvent the wheel would do the job?

And I’m outta links again. Only 26 more days until my Death Day celebration! I think I want some new dice this year, I don’t have enough d6 for my D&D3.5e Warlock10 that I’m playing, and none of my digital rollers will let me roll damage in one roll either. I have magical devices that give me a total of +13 to hit with Eldritch Blast (ranged touch attack), and a total of 10d6 damage when I hit, which I do anytime I roll a 2 or higher against almost all enemies.

Billed @€0.02, Opus the Unkillable Badass Poet

What adventures on a wreck-free Sunday

Sorry this is so late but I didn’t get home to start writing until almost 2200, and I didn’t get to sit down to begin this post until much later, as will be explained much later in the post.

But first, D&D, the non-kinky kind. I DM’ed a game session that I have been planning for months, old-school character creation. Old-school is rolling 3d6 in order on the character sheet and taking whatever you get as your stats, then trying to create a usable character from that. I nerfed it even more by saying all the characters were from one tiny farming village that had about 25 people including children and 2 books, a book of complete herbology and a second book that would allow a literate adult to teach enough literacy to the village children to be able to understand the book of herbology in about 6 years. That prevented any kind of character class that depended on long training by a master, like monks, paladins, certain kinds of fighter classes, and most magic users that didn’t depend on wild magic like some sorcerers and warlocks. We ended up with some decent fighter/woodchoppers using axes and fighter/farmers using sicles. And one sorcerer who had 2 healing slots. Nobody took my up on the offer of a warlock that had a 50% chance of casting “Cure light wounds” by casting Sickening Blast backwards, because that would make a warlock a very useful character to have in a fight, do as much damage as an archer with a greater chance of getting a hit, and then heal like a cleric with a bad choice of spells…

The game went well, there were 5 kobolds who had been harassing the villagers going to and from market day every week either going or coming depending on if their need for food, gold, or trade goods was greater that week, and the villagers decided to train up as best they could and do something about it. The attacks had been going on so long that the kobolds knew the villagers’ names and the villagers knew the kobolds’ names: Olaf, Jon, Pawl, Jorje, and Ringo. In the first encounter in the dark on the way to the market town the party managed to kill 3 kobolds before driving the other two away, Pawl was dead in the first two rounds and Jorje and Ringo were rendered unconscious and killed when the others ran away. That left Olaf and Jon to attack on the way back and hopefully get some trade goods since they missed getting the fresh and preserved vegetables on the way in, but no luck. They both died within 3 rounds.

Then our regular DM for the kinky game rolled up a quick encounter while I rolled up an old-school character to play with the other 2 players. We had a type of weak lycanthropy attack the village in wolf form and between friendly fire and wolf damage we lost 20% of the population (from 25 including kids to 20 with one dead kid lost with 4 adults). I’m embarrassed to say I was responsible for one friendly fire incident as a villager out having a dalliance with a woman in a nearby village returned after daybreak to be mistaken as the person spreading “wolf sickness” a weak kind of lycanthropy that could be cured by herbs instead of magic. We did manage to get the person spreading the sickness after the friendly fire incident, we cured most of the people who got bitten, and there was much sorrow in the village.

Now why I was so late getting the blog post up.

I had a party to go to for one of the members of the D&D group having a birthday. After doing the service this morning (see last Sunday’s post for the script) my ride to the party and I went and got some party supplies (birthday cake, soda, hotdogs, and burger patties) and went to pick up the birthday boy from work. When we got to the place of work the car we were riding in blew a coolant hose, and we dumped large amounts of coolant and money into the car making sure it didn’t blow up before everyone got home, and we had to stop several times on the way back from the party to refill the radiator. We also had to let the car sit and cool off before we could add the coolant, so what should have been about an hour trip home took about 3 hours instead. I had to miss evening services as they were long over when we went past the church on the way home, and as I pointed out it was nearly 2200 when we got home and after 2200 before I could fire up the computer to make this post. Now I feel something like one of the kobolds from yesterday. Only a little more alive than they ended up.

And that’s why I’m late

PSA, Opus

OMG the DM is killing us!

That headline deserves an explanation, and I’m the only guy that can provide one

The new RPG group met today with two sessions, one early, then a second after a dinner break. The first session was Not Good for the party, as our Ranger player was unable to attend leaving the Rogue, my Warlock, and the NPC Bard who is still a level one character. After the second encounter we had a TPK, again. The monsters the DM keeps throwing at us don’t attack our HP, they deplete or damage attributes, which means that additional encounters are at significant disadvantage to the party, leading to frequent Total Party Killed results. These are interesting encounters, and fun to play, but the party is just so weak that we can’t handle attribute damaging monsters. It doesn’t help that under this gaming universe every other encounter is like a hentai video with all the monsters wanting to rape us.

The first encounter of the day was with flowers that depleted our Wisdom stats, which caused serious problems with the next encounter with spot and listen checks, which in turn caused our Rogue to botch Find Trap checks. This is something you don’t want, because the squishies can really get hurt when the trap is set to trigger on the second person to pass. Fortunately our squishy was third to pass that particular trap and the second character had a lot of hit points.

The next encounter was with a Giant Spider, which my character took out because he is arachnophobic and went into panic mode and fired shot after shot of Eldritch Blast combined with Orgasmic Blast, an attack that causes the victim to have an immediate full-body orgasm and be paralyzed for one round and reduced attack and defend for caster level rounds or 5 rounds for my character at this time. This is the most devastating attack my character can use at this level, and it was used over and over. This lead to a quick and decisive kill and overkill as not only did my character repeatedly blast the spider it blasted every last one of the eggs it discharged as it died until they were nothing but ash.

The next encounter was only a few feet away from the spider as we ran into a Mimic pretending to be a door. As our Rogue was checking it for traps it captured her with adhesive skin. This meant that everyone with any kind of ranged attack needed to use the Precise Shot feat to prevent hitting the Rogue. Eventually the Warlock was able to kill the Mimic and then we used her Everflowing Mug to dispense enough pure alcohol to dissolve the adhesive which remained active after the monster died. This was accompanied with yelps of pain from the Rogue as every cut and scratch she got in this encounter was flushed repeatedly with a mixture of the corrosive adhesive from the monster and the alcohol.

The next problem was trying to get through the hidden ceiling hatch over the wall area where the Mimic attacked us, as none of us were tall enough to reach it. We ended up cutting the spider apart and stacking the bits up high enough that the Rogue could find the trap door, only to have to blast the lock off the door to get it open. Doing this was Not Quiet, but the repeated blasting noises alerted monsters that there was a BAMF or two on the way that had enough power to blast through doors or walls and not worry about it.

After getting in the chamber we found on the other side of the door we encountered a slug like creature with tentacles that also turned out to be pretty vulnerable to the Eldritch/Orgasmic Blast combination but not before doing significant damage to the Rogue. After doing some minor repairs to the Rogue we found another creature locked in one of a wall full of prison cells, which ended up with all of the party PCs unconscious and the NPC flagging down another character to rescue us.

All in all, a fun afternoon/evening, if somewhat dangerous to our characters.

PSA, Opus the Poet

Good news for and about Blue, and the Feed

I was out running errands today, dropping the shoe at the shoe-repair place, getting money out to pay for the parts I need to repair Blue, transferring money to Mrs. the Poet’s account, going to Plano Cycling to pay for those parts with the money I took out… And while we were going through the order for the parts the parts guy noticed that there was a shifter set offered that was more than $20 cheaper than buying front and rear shifters separately, same parts in one box instead of two boxes. And it turns out that for one item I will have to pay shipping because it isn’t a part that’s stocked by their warehouse, it has to be bought directly from RANSbikes in KS.

Up first is some semi-local news from the next town over from the Beautiful Suburbs of Hell. 2015 City Council Candidate Survey

I’m trying to figure out whose ox is being gored in this one. Virginia Beach says no to Boardwalk bicycle ads

I suggested doing this to freeways as a means of reducing the need for AC in the summer and running fossil fueled powerplants year around. This bike lane in Korea is topped with 20 miles of solar panels For a bike lane this “solution” has 2 problems: 1) It is running right down the median of a freeway, which means nasty, smelly pollution generated just feet away, and 2) getting on or off the bike path requires getting over that freeway and the barriers on both sides. I can see some cyclists using the facility, so either they are trapped there since it was opened, or there is some way on and off that is not visible in the video.

Speaking of bike lanes, this person enthusiastically supports them. Cyclist badly injured by truck: Bike-only lanes a must Yeah, me too.

I was unaware that Buzz Feed used machine translated text, the other question is what language did they translate it from. Auto Vs. Bicycle: Duking It Out In L.A. Targeted visitorsFrom visitors jams, to pushy motorists, to purple lights and some close phone calls” Red, stop; amber, proceed with caution; green, go when clear; which one is purple again?

And since we are already in L.A., let’s drop in on Ted Rogers and see what he’s up to. Morning Links: Bike the vote in Pasadena election; cyclists urged to defend Mt. Hollywood Wednesday

Vision Zero meets Zero Vision in NYC. Cy Vance: $580 Fine for Driver Who Killed 9-Year-Old Cooper Stock If this name sounds familiar this is the Cooper that “Cooper’s law” was named after.

How not to implement a road diet. The road diet is history, Paw Paw to go back to 5 lanes of traffic, no more angle parking First of all never tell them that this is an experiment, even if it is. You tell them “This has worked well in other places with similar levels of traffic, so we should end up safer and still getting to where we want to go.” Second, you have to give it at least a year to work, not a couple of months.

A Canadian tragedy results in renaming a charity ride. Ride the Rideau cycling event to be renamed, rerouted after last year’s tragedy The fatality has tarnished the reputation of the event, none of the organizers wishes to cease the fund-raiser, so change the name and never mention the wreck again except in a separate setting.

A UK bike retail association asks how do you grow cycling? OPINION: How do you grow cycling? Start with proper infrastructure and instruction on how to use it, then add layers of legal protections. It’s all spelled out in the CROW manual for only €90.

Well, I’m glad they clarified that the drivers were equally or more useless in the article, but the headline is still excessively provocative. ‘Useless’ WA cyclists need lessons This is from Oz, by-the-by.

And now I need a lie down, because I need to get up early for the new RPG group to have an all-day gore fest. There will probably be a short report on my new Warlock5’s adventures, now that he has been gender swapped and is a girl in magical armor, and a cursed armored belt. You may recall my character put on a cursed belt of gender swap thinking it was a Belt of Giant Strength. It might be a Belt of Giant Strength under the curse, my character hasn’t had the chance to test that part yet, he was too busy being seduced by 2/3 of the female members of the party… He’s “real purdy” now. 😉

Billed @€0.02, Opus the Poet

RPG Group now with 33% more estrogen!

I had my first game with the new RPG group (the “kinky” game), and I can foresee problems already. Not with the game, but with working the game in with my weekly schedule. I was in the middle of cooking beans when the text came in that RPG was “on” for tonight if I was interested, which meant I had to get most of the actual “cooking” part done before I could leave and then grab some beans when I got home after game finished. And I never got to the Feed Folder in my inbox, so I will be dealing with 4 days worth of links when I do the post later today (I’m composing this at 0045), yay!

Now, about the game. Everybody died in the first encounter. No kidding, we encountered some kind of plant-based tentacle monster that was a cross between a Venus Flytrap and a bad hentai manga, that started out cleaning the stable by eating 3 horses, and ended up with 4 adventurers and a town guard NPC as a final course. This caused a reset because, well it’s a really bad game session when you get the entire party eaten before they even get a chance to introduce themselves as characters.

Reset went better with better rolls for everybody and slightly better tactics because we learned the sleeping rooms at the inn were on the side overlooking the stables and the monster could be seen from the visiting men’s room window, so I used Eldritch Blast from the window until it reached up to grab me then used a paralyzing invocation on the creature until it actually got paralyzed and then just kept throwing EB at it until it died. The creature would only take full damage from magical attacks or bludgeoning weapons, poking holes in it with swords or arrows would only cause partial damage and if you didn’t get enough damage in it would heal up and you were back to where you started, which was what got everybody killed the first time because I was the only one that wasn’t using a sword or bow on the creature (including the NPC town guard that got eaten because we took too long to kill the creature before the reset). The mayor of the town was impressed that we managed to kill the creature which was just the latest of a worsening monster infestation, which was causing the town major problems because they were not a big enough or established long enough to have a stockade or stone wall around the town to keep the monsters out.

While we were tracking down the source of the monsters, we had an encounter with a creature made entirely from discarded or lost magical items. When we defeated the creature all the magical items were left lying on the ground and I used my Warlock abilities to try to find out what they were. I found one that seemed like it would still work, and seemed to be a belt of Giant Strength. It was actually a cursed belt of gender swapping which I discovered when I put it on. Now I need to find someone who can break a curse from a cursed item. And apparently my character is a pretty good-looking woman now, because the female-liking female members of the party thought it would be a great idea to seduce me… My character was the only male member of the party that fought the plant-creature and survived the reset, all the other surviving party members were female and we were “introduced” during battle at the inn where we were staying.

And that’s where the line “now with 33% more estrogen” came from in the headline.

PSA, Opus