Tag Archives: Flying Spaghetti Monster

This computer has become painfully slow, but that’s not what I came here to say

OK when I sat down for the express purpose of writing a blog post it was 0219:19. It is now 0225:55 and all I did was open Chrome and select this page from Bookmarks. That’s almost 7 minutes to boot and open a specific web page. But that’s not what I came here to say.

I’m sitting here because some people (using the term as loosely as possible) in the TX Legislature think other people are not actually people. You know with inalienable rights and whatnot. People like women, BIPOC, and transgendered people are not really people in their eyes, they are property to be controlled. I don’t think I have to mention this is fundamentally wrong, but apparently I’m wrong because I need to mention (strange way to spell scream in their faces, but I’ll go with it) it to these people. These are real people that you are causing real harm to. Remember there is a corollary to the Golden Rule: Others will treat you as you treat them. Do GOP members of the TX Legislature really want to have their ID rejected at the polls and be refused access to a ballot? Or do they want to be forced to submit to a genital search to be allowed to use a toilet? Or do they want to be forced to donate organs because they no longer have bodily autonomy? Because this is what they require from BIPOC, transgendered people, and women in that order.

I mentioned this in a FB post, but the legislators who voted in favor of the Heartbeat Bill should all have to roll a d20 once a year every year for life, and if they roll a 20 then nothing happens to them that year, a 19 through 2 they donate one kidney to a matching person on the transplant list, and a Nat 1 means they donate both kidneys. I know what you’re going to say, “What if they already lost a kidney?” “What if they can’t live on dialysis for the rest of their lives when they lose both kidneys?” Well for some women not having the choice of an abortion is exactly the same as donating both kidneys to an unmatched donor. She dies, they die, and nobody profits. For a small, but growing, number of pregnancies the choice is a living mother who might be able to carry a different baby to term, or nothing. No mother, no baby, just the remains of a family destroyed for no good reason except to control women, consequences be damned.

Now if it wasn’t painfully obvious before I am a tree-hugging, freedom-loving Liberal Democratic Socialist. I believe in Capitalism With Limits as the means by which can be achieved the Greater Good, and the odd capitalization is on purpose. What we are seeing in this country is unrestrained capitalism and wealth hoarding, which is literally killing the Goose That Laid The Golden Eggs of the economy. The way the economy is set up money is made when people buy things, which creates money flow to other people who make and buy things and so on and so on, with the money flowing to the next guy, and some coming out in taxes so that some people get money to spend even though they don’t have jobs for one reason or another, but still have a place to live and food to eat because that also makes the economy move. But the problem is some people act like all the money is their money and refuse to let any go to other people, but don’t or can’t spend the money a fast as letting other people spend it, and because of that the economy slows down, and the people who don’t spend don’t make as much, but still want it all so they take more money out of the economy from the other people only this time they are taking it away from the people who do have jobs, meaning there is even less money to run the economy.

So what we need to do is arrest and execute all of the worst offenders reform the tax code and employment laws so that living wages are paid to people who have jobs, and a fair share is taken in taxes from the people hoarding the wealth. The people hoarding the wealth will not feel any privation or even be denied a $300 million dollar superyacht (partially tax-deductible if none of your workers or any of the yacht-maker’s workers are below say 300% of the poverty line), but the people getting the money will also be lifted from poverty and need. Want may still exist, but if done right nobody will lack a place to sleep or food to eat. They might not have the best place to sleep, but it will be warm in the winter and cool in the summer, and have broadband access, and they will be able to cook in the kitchen.

And to end the post, a list of Flying Spaghetti Monster religious holidays for June:
June 1st Go Barefoot Day
June 2nd Laugh Like a Bad Guy Day
June 3rd Mushroom Sauce Day
June 4th Cougar Day
June 5th Doughnut Day
June 6th Adopt a New Phobia day
June 7th Capt. Jack Sparrow Impersonation Day
June 8th Be Annoyingly Cheerful Day
June 9th Bathe in Marinara Day
June 10th Flirting Day
June 11th Fish Day
June 12th Be Paranoid Day
June 13th Gin Day
June 14th Bourbon Day
June 15th Bad Joke Day
June 16th World Meat-free Day
June 17th Contact an Old Friend Day
June 18th Now Panic Day
June 19th Martini Day
June 20th World Juggling Day
June 21st World Humanist Day
June 22nd Marinara Sauce Day
June 23rd Parrot Pondering Day
June 24th Sexual Fantasy Day
June 25th Seafarer Day
June 26th Carbonara Day
June 27th Blue-Footed Booby Day
June 28th Tickle Day
June 29th Knitting Day
June 30th Just Another Day Day

I think I like the 5th, the 11th, and the 16th the best but not in that order.

May His Noodley Appendage protect you

Yes, this is another post for all the people searching for a FSM cycling jersey and getting sent here. I’m trying to find someone to design the jersey, as I’m a writer and a metal worker, not a graphic designer. If you’re a graphic designer and need a project, here it is. I only ask that I get the first one off the line that will fit my 48″ chest. One one side you need a Pirate Fish, and on the other you need His Noodley Benevolence, and somewhere you need to put an Invisible Pink Unicorn.

Pastafarians need a cycling jersey

I was looking up my stats like I do every day, and I found a search term that has been right near the top of the list for over a month now, with an average of 2 hits a day using this string: “flying spaghetti monster cycling jersey”.

To which I say, “Hell yes!” What better deity for cyclists than sentient pasta? We live and die by complex carbohydrates and I can’t think of a better masculine deity than the FSM. For those not informed we already have a pre-roman mountain goddess to act as our feminine deity, the Lady Ghisallo.

For those who say the FSM is a made-up deity with no basis in the “real” world I say, “Yeah, so?” The existence/non-existence of a deity is unprovable as a matter of scientific fact, so why not believe? As theologies go the FSM has one of the least objectionable ones in existence with a complete ban on proselytizing and other rude practices. That’s because it was created by an engineer, a person who deals in logic. Where any faith is required it also requires compassion and comes right out and says there will be no further “enlightenment” forthcoming so if you hear voices telling you the FSM wants you to do something it’s either mental illness or advanced technology. That’s so cool, “I have already said everything I need to tell you, so if anyone tells you they got the word directly from Me they are nuts and can be ignored.”

So if anyone decides to make a FSM cycling jersey, send me one and a link to where others can buy it, and I’ll help promote it.

PSA, Opus