I have gone as far down the road my resources allow me to go towards the TGS2 and the Sprint-T. I could draw some pictures but that wouldn’t get anything built. And one of the things driving my depression is I don’t get anything done, I don’t get anything close to getting done, before I run out of resources, including the drive I need to see the end of the project.
So what can I do to get something done? I want what I’m building. I want it bad. I have wanted it for almost 50 years. But I just can’t muster the drive and the resources to get it. Is this related to my depression? Is there some part of my mind that is trying to destroy me and preventing me from working to make myself happy? Is it something that came from getting moved around so much as a kid? I know that part of the problem I have with making long-term relationships is a result of changing schools so much as a kid. I mean forget “Summer Romances” I was lucky to see people to the end of a semester, and between school years even if we didn’t get transferred most of the kids I was social with would get moved. So yeah, relationships were hard to impossible, because there just wasn’t time for any to develop.
So, what if I decided to complete something I had all the parts I needed to get to the final result? Something simple like build up one of the model kits into a complete car. I have two kits at hand, one that I robbed of parts to make stuff for the mini Sprint-T, and another completely untouched except for a parts inventory and then close the box. I could build up one of the kits’ 4 cars (between the 2 kits there are 4 complete cars) and have something I recently completed, to look at and inspire me. I’m going to start small and work my way up from there. I’m going to make something and complete the project if it kills me.
Yeah, short post tonight. I worked a 2:15 shift in the HRC booth at Dallas Pride Day today, quietly letting people know about membership options and what we do at HRC. Yes, I said “we”, because I am a dues-paying member of the Human Rights Campaign (two years now, officially). Fortunately the day was cloudy and cool, but dry. I don’t know how we managed that, but I’m certainly not going to complain about it. After my shift I made a lap around the festival area picking up about 6 pounds of swag of varying degrees of usefulness (I now have enough SPF 15 chap stick to last for a couple of years, and I also have several dozen condoms of varying sizes with about a half-dozen lube samples). I also picked up 3 grocery totes including one that is insulated for frozen and refrigerated foods, and 3 more drawstring bags/backpacks. The grocery totes will always be useful (until they wear out), but I guess the drawstring bagpacks will just hang around gathering dust because I already have stacks of those from other places where they throw around a buncha free stuff. There are some of those that are falling apart because they were not made too well to begin with and they have seen at least one year of hard service totin’ stuff around, so those will get put in recycling and the new ones rotated into service as the old ones expire.
Anyway, after the festival I was supposed to get a quick D&D session in, but one of our players was in the Pride Parade with the Sisters of Indulgences and nobody could contact her to find out if she wanted to play. Turns out that after the parade the Sisters were granting indulgences in exchange for “adult” beverages for a couple of hours after the parade, because have you ever walked a mile and a half in stiletto heels? It hurts the feet and exhausts the calves and nobody wanted to move after the parade, and they had to leave their phones turned off so as to not interrupt the important business of Pride Day. So our healer was incommunicado most of the day, and as she and the DM are GGF there was much wailing and gnashing of teeth (not really, worried looks and frantic phone calls with no answers). With no healer and no tank because I didn’t know my character sheet was at home well there wasn’t much reason for playing a game that was almost guaranteed a TPK. So when our Wayward Sister finally returned we went to Taco Bell for dinner because we were all about to pass out from hunger.
Then I came home. The End (headdesk).