Tag Archives: writing issues

I need to write something, again

And once again I have no idea what to write about. This has happened many times before, and what usually comes out is confusing to read at the best. At the worst it is unintelligible.

I know part of why I’m writing this is procrastination. I have to send a letter to claim my pension from a former employer that I did not part from on good terms. The process to claim is confusing and annoying, and also I have to do it by writing longhand because my printer is snafu. The printer works fine, it just can’t communicate with my computer because it needs a parallel connection and all this computer has is RJ-45 and USB. The printer is older than either of those standards, so yeah, pretty old. The printer used to have a serial port that connected through the parallel port after a conversion from serial to parallel, but it died. I have other printers but they need ink and interface cables to work and right now can’t even do a self-test page.

I have been thinking about a lot of things, and nothing. Basically I have been allowing my ADD to run rampant but failed to remember anything I might have stumbled upon that might be useful. I remember one thing I thought about was using a motorcycle or bicycle master cylinder on the shift lever so I can get a hand clutch that doesn’t require three arms to drive the car. That way I can have a manual shift car when I only have room for 2 pedals in the foot box, because I still haven’t bought a transmission for the car yet. The previous design iteration was a 4l60E, before that was 4l80E but that’s way heavier than the 4l60, and almost every manual transmission is lighter than the 4l60E. On top of that is the ability to do a “clutch kick” to break the rear tires loose when desired with a manual. A couple of other things, one is there is a lot of rotating mass that comes with an automatic transmission that can’t be reduced that can be reduced with a manual, and another is that there is no slippage in high gear like there can be (and usually is) with a torque converter. Lockup torque converters usually have tiny clutches that are sized for power required at a steady-state cruise, and even they slip if asked to do too much. A clutch for a manual transmission generally doesn’t slip until it’s worn out. So, that’s one of the things I was thinking about when I let my mind run free, a hand clutch that didn’t require 3 hands to change gears and steer so I could shed some sprung weight and rotating weight.

I thought about other things unrelated to the Sprint-T, bicycles, women, or cooking meat (to give a short list of things I did think about that I can share subjects). The reason cooking meat came up is we bought the smallest spiral sliced ham they had in the store and we still had 3 or 4 times as much as we could eat, and at some point I’m going to cut the bone shorter to fit in the slow cooker with beans and spices to serve with rice. I like using the slow cooker to get the last bits of meat off the bone, because slow, wet heat causes the meat to fall off the bone as the connective tissues dissolve away in the hot water from both the heat and the water.

As I activated my ADD powers I had to take care to remember what I was thinking about, because unlike a google search ADD doesn’t have a history link. As you might imagine doing that is… difficult.

Not much going on but I still Must Write

I’m at somewhat of a disadvantage this time, usually I have something going on in my life to write about, but today I’m going to “just wing it”.

First of all we had another massive storm system literally blow through last night, and while we are unscathed areas around us were not as lucky. Nothing spectacular, about what you would expect from a large T-Storm complex with hail. Similar to that batch of tornadoes from a while back, but even less damage for us this time.

I’m wondering how much longer my luck will hold on this, we have had to replace the roof twice since 2012, once from accumulated damage over the years, and once a year and a half ago from debris dropped on us from the tornado that went by about a quarter of a mile or so away. Most of it was small and light, but there were some heavy chunks that fell from the big light stuff. They did damage to a large enough area of the roof that the entire roof needed to be replaced. This year we are lucky so far.

Other stuff, I’m waiting to hear back on my second Moderna shot, ditto Mrs. the Poet. The weather was beautiful today and I hope it holds, because tomorrow I need to get my taxes done. I finally got all the forms together, which was a struggle because they are a mixture of paper and electronic and I’ll have to e-mail them to the tax preparer if I can’t hand them to the tax preparer. That part is always a bit nerve-wracking, because there’s always that little fear of sending my financial information to the wrong person by mistake. Seriously, I’ve been doing internet since the late’90s, and I have had enough times where e-mail went the wrong place because of a typo or just flat-out the wrong information… Seriously, I’ve been doing internet things since before Al Gore “invented” the internet during a debate on TV (he was on the committee that approved the appropriation that created the internet), and I have seen a few mistakes along the way. So, I’m a little leery of sending important information via the internets.

And I really need to get to bed because I have to be awake in time to get to the Tax lady. I have an appointment for 1330, which is normally after I wake up.

I have time to fill and I need to practice writing stuff

Specifically I need to practice writing stuff that isn’t technical wanking about cars, or bicycles, airplanes, hovercraft or any other kind of vehicle.

I know some people who read this blog have been asking me to write romantic dialog. Those are people who actually know me IRL and used to talk face to face back in the Before Times when people got together and had discussions. Well even before the Before Times I was terrible at writing dialog because I was terrible at talking with people. In order to write convincing dialog, you have to have some kind of experience in being part of dialog. And I’m just anti-social enough that I don’t actually talk with people so much as I talk to people, on a good day. Other times the aphasia takes over and I just kinda make noises in their general direction that resemble words. Or I talk at them, which is even worse but at least the words make more sense than when the aphasia is running things.

The interesting thing is aphasia isn’t near as big a problem when I’m communicating verbally but not talking, like right now. I’m using words, making phrases and sentences, but I’m not speaking at all, just letting my fingers do the talking. It’s actually faster to communicate this way than to try to fight past the aphasia, because the words bypass my mouth and run directly to my fingers. Another interesting thing is when I’m typing I have to look back and see where I made a tone or subject change and insert paragraph breaks, like I did for this paragraph. I usually don’t see them as I write, but going back over what I wrote I see where I need to insert a paragraph break.

I saw this break coming because I knew I was going to make a tone change and a subject change, the subject change is this isn’t dialog practice, it’s monolog practice, and almost everything I have done in the last 2 years has been a monolog from me at my audience. I don’t even know who I’m communicating with here, so I’m machine-gunning words in your general direction instead of to you. I know that when I stopped doing the bike wrecks my readership dropped off a cliff for a long time and is just now starting to come back a little. I guess my attempts at writing about building a car amuse some of you and some are reading out of loyalty and some because I have a unique writing style or non-style, I just write bang on the keyboard and words come out and you read them. Or not, lately it has been mostly not.

But yeah another problem is romantic. I have been married for 43 years and to do that you have to be either romantic as hell, or stubborn as hell, and I’m not romantic. Sexy, I can be sexy as bananas to a monkey, but that is not romantic, it’s romantic-adjacent. I have the physical ability to create arousal and satisfy needs, but I’m not romantic. At best I’m the porn version of romantic. I make vagina-owners happy physically, but romance to satisfy them emotionally just ain’t gonna happen. Or to put it another way, unless they keep their heart and bits on the same shelf I’m not satisfying their hearts.

Now for some people, that’s good enough for a while. They want the porn equivalent of romance, some right up to the point that outside forces break up the relationship. I have lost count of the number of girlfriends who have had a job transfer, or died, or had gender reassignment surgery. Actually only the one had gender reassignment surgery, the rest moved or died. But for them I was romantic enough to maintain the relationship until it was no longer possible to have a relationship.

So, I’m not good at the romance thing, and I’m not good at dialog. And in this case two negatives do NOT make a positive, it’s additive, not multiplicative. But romantic dialog has been requested, nay DEMANDED! in all caps with multiple exclamation points. So how does a writer that has only rudimentary romantic skills and dialog skills learn to write romance. How does a broken bird learn to fly?

That is the question, how does a broken old man learn to be romantic? It’s not from a lack of wanting, I have wanted to be romantic since I was in high school wearing bell-bottom jeans. I thought I had somehow managed when I got married, or when women were after me after I got married, but as I wrote I was “romance-adjacent”. I was sexy, and thought I was romantic. And now I’m not even sexy anymore, I’m just a broken old man who used to be sexy and now is just sad.

I feel guilty

I should have posted something way before now, but I just haven’t had anything to write about beyond a bad massage and a frustrating day with DART (regional public transit agency) that happened to both be on the same day. If I think of something to write about that doesn’t have to wait for a certain day to be published, I’ll post it posthaste.